Tuesday - 10/13/2009 Fall

It’s cold and raining at my house tonight. Leaves are turning to their beautiful colors and falling from the trees. Our area orchards are bursting at the seams with a huge variety of ripe and wonderful apples. This is my favorite time of year, I think. The reason for my waffling is the same reason I have gone from being a pretty terrific, semi well adjusted wife and mother to …the current me.

My late husband lived all year for this season. He loved to hunt in the fall. He would start bringing out his equipment, checking his tools and supplies to be sure they were ready. We would make the annual trip to Cabela’s in order to replace any items that had been lost or damaged the season prior. I always did this kind of fake protest when he would bring everything up from the basement. He would leave things in little piles all over the house. Truth be told, I loved it. I loved it because of the excitement I saw in his eyes. He would begin this process about this time in October for a trip that usually took place the week of Thanksgiving. I loved the smell of his hunting gear, the order he kept everything. For many, the order is a surprise. But his uncle taught him well when it came to hunting and caring for the tools of the sport. We had only a few actual Thanksgiving dinners together and that was fine. I knew from the moment we met that his life included going up to the family hunting camp for the opening week of hunting. Most years the opening week was the same week as Thanksgiving. Autumn also began our “deer drives”. We live near a group of beautiful Metro parks. We would drive through the parks at dusk to look for deer. My husband was like a little kid. He would actually giggle when we saw deer and be so disappointed when we didn’t.

The fall also fed my husband’s love of sports. He was a huge fan of Michigan football and Red Wings hockey. Saturday’s were filled with the anticipation of the big game. Some of you know my husband always felt that I had the ability to sway a Michigan football game just by my presence. He believed that if U of M was ahead and I was out of the house, they could loose if I came home. Actually it proved to be true more times than not. The start of the hockey season brought out an excited anticipation of another Stanley Cup being awarded to the Wings. The schedules of everyday life were altered in the fall to accommodate these… traditions.

Also working to keep him forever young, was Halloween. The trip to the farm stand to get pumpkins, bales of hay, mums and cornstalks was an all day event. He would hitch his trailer to his SUV and we would spend hours finding just the right pumpkins, mums, and the biggest stalks of corn and deciding if we needed 2 or 3 or maybe even more bales of hay. He took great pride in turning our front yard into a cornucopia of fall colors, shapes and sights. He threaded electrical cord through bushes and underground to illuminate gigantic jack-o-lanterns. The corn stakes were staked deep into the ground, scarecrows, a man and woman would be placed on the bales of hay, their arms around each other... On Halloween he would bring our fire pit to the end of the driveway. Lawn chairs and the big bowl of candy along with a stack of firewood would be placed lovingly near the fire. After getting our fire started he would help the neighbors get their fire going. He loved to greet the kids and ask them about their costumes. We always had candy for the kids and wine for the kids over 21. We always enjoy this time of year, together.

So this past weekend, I went to the farm stand. All I could manage to get were the mums. I don’t have a hook up for the trailer on my car so I couldn’t get the corn stalks. At least that was my reasoning. Truth be told we only had the trailer for a couple of years. Before that they seemed to fit just fine in the back of my SUV, but not now. I stood staring at the vast array of pumpkins. Did we get 8 big and 10 little ones or was it the other way around? I was overwhelmed with making yet again another decision on my own. So I left the farm stand with my mums. I’ve taken out the stands for the jack-o-lanterns but cannot seem to go in the basement to actually bring the huge orange globes up. I think I’m supposed to check the lights in the lanterns and where are the little spare orange bulbs should one be out? Is all this decorating really worth all the trouble? As I write this I’m discovering that yes, it is. As with everything else for me now, I can have what I had before. It will never be exactly the same, but it can be just as wonderful. Will the kids in the neighborhood remember where the pumpkins were placed last year or the year before or if there were 8 big ones and 10 little ones? Probably not. But they will remember that there were pumpkins and mums and corns stalks and giant light up jack-o-lanterns. Will they notice that the female scarecrow is holding on just a little tighter to the male scarecrow this year? Probably not. But she will be holding on tight. Because this year, I believe we both understand how much can really happen from one season to the next. Next year will there be a lump in my throat as I go through these rituals again? I hope not. Maybe there will be a new scarecrow to sit on the bale of hay and hold the old girl. Maybe, maybe not but…

I hope so…