I’m in love. It’s silly and ridicules and oh so fun. The new love in my life has the goofiest face and ears that are too big. The subject of my affections has doesn’t listen to me and I am sure, while undiagnosed has ADD. My baby has horrible eating habits and the noises made during a simple drink of water are disgusting. I am often left feeling both exhausted and invigorated by the actions of this one. Alright, I’ll let you in on the secret. My new love is an 18 week old Aussie Sheppard/Lab mix. I’ve written about Bauer in a couple of blogs before. I have fallen head over heels with the first dog I’ve ever had that seems to want me to believe she could take me or leave me. My little girl is all about the hugs and kisses when I come home. She looks to me for comfort when something scares or startles her. At night she sleeps so that some part of her is touching me. Her head may be on my shoulder, her back aligned to my side or even just her paw on my arm. During the bulk of the day, she gives me the impression that I am just here as a chew toy. I’m smitten. I say all this but know that Bauer Jett knows when I need her to be my comfort. This has been a particularly difficult week. For many reasons and no reason at all. Each time my emotions back up, I have seen a subtle change in her… she bounces from demanding my attention, thereby forcing me to focus on her rather than whatever has triggered the back up or she just simply snuggles up to me or leans into my side. I believe she has just begun figure me out while I still struggle to know how to be all she needs me to be.
I’ve had many pets over the years. Most fabulous, loving and well behaved pets with unique personalities. These pets have brought spice, joy, angst, comfort and balance to me over the years. I’d like to think I gave them all they needed for a wonderful life. I know the journey of my pets as never been dull.
As a very small child we had a huge cat named Bop-Oh. I take no blame for that name; I was only a few years old. While I have fuzzy memories of the cat, legend has it that I was terrible to her. Stories of me walking past the cat, sleeping deeply on the top of the big old console television, grabbing her tail and sharply yanking her to the ground are retold to this day. Maybe the fact that I choose to perform temperature checks on the poor feline with a pencil has something to do with why I am not in the medical field. Nope, I won’t elaborate. I’ll assume Bop-Oh went to cat heaven when it was her time but have no memory of any sadness at the loss. I do believe that my relationship with the cat is why I am not a big fan of cats.
We had a succession of wonderful dogs as I grew up. Dogs that were like siblings. Jill was a pure breed lab we had for a very long time. She was the best of what a dog in the family can be. She is what I have always wanted for the dogs in my kid’s life to be. Jill could be anywhere and stay with us without being on a leash. She loved everyone we loved and protected us against all evil-doers. Jill taught me about unconditional love. She loved me without exception. I was heartbroken when it was time to say good bye to the old girl. What a treasure. After Jill, we didn’t have a dog for a short while. We had gerbils, worthless large mice in my opinion. You can’t snuggle a gerbil and gerbils are terrible with a tennis ball out in the yard. At one point we had Tadpoles. They were wonderful to watch as they slowly morphed to frogs. My mom would beg to differ. I would be neglecting my duties as a story teller if I didn’t share the …Saga of the Tadpoles. My mom loves to talk. Most of you are smiling right now, like mother, like daughter… exactly and I love her for all the ways I am like her. Anyway, we had a cord on our telephone that allowed my mom to go to almost any room in the house as she talked. I remember the day clearly. Mom was walking around cleaning; talking on the phone I had just been admiring the tadpole growth progress. As I headed outside I heard a scream like I have never heard before or since. Seems one of the Tadpoles, a touch more advanced than the others, flexed his new legs and jumped out of the bowl and down on to the tile floor of the kitchen… as mom paced and talked, barefooted I will add, she.. stepped back and squished the adventurous Tadpole between her toes. With a string of profanity that I am sure is still hanging over the house on Dell Road, she took the bowl of Tadpoles and ceremoniously dumped the contents in to the toilet and firmly flushed. There were no tears for the loss because there was no love for the reptiles.
We once took in a stray my dad had encountered. The dog was bruised and battered and seemed to have a tragic life. Her tail had been repeatedly broken and was covered with scabs. She was terribly underweight. I named her Patsy and our bond was immediate and exceptional. Patsy thrived under our care and fell deeply in love with us and we, with her. Imagining all the horrors that had happened to this Lab mix brought the angst of the world I to my own home. I learned quickly that not everyone embraces the unconditional love a dog can give. While we were thrilled with her weight gain, her tail was an issue. As she began to understand our love for her had no strings and that we would do anything possible to care for her, she felt free to express her love for us. My girl would wag that broken tail with abandon. Unfortunately her tail would connect with the wall or the door frame of whatever she was standing near, causing it to split open and blood to spray all over us. I’m certain there was a great deal of pain involved but she was so very happy that her tail just wagged uncontrollably. I’ll never forget the day, soon after my parents again commented on Patsy” weight gain and general good health that she delivered 13 very healthy puppies. All makes and models…many fathers. Seems my girl Patsy was a very popular young lady. Next came Gimlet or Gimmie for short. Gimmie was a French Canadian stray my uncle found and ultimately gave to me. Gimmie was so kind and gentle. Gimmie love me and I her. Gimmie was the first one I told I was in love with my husband. She was also the only one that didn’t either object to my decision to marry or give me a rough time about my age or the short amount of time I had known him before we became engaged. Gimmie stayed with my parents when I moved out to begin my adult life. Just after my second child was born, she came to live with us. My big black beauty forced me to make adult decision regarding her health and when to end her days on earth. My kids remember her although they were very small when she left. We remained dog-less until the kids were in grade school. We then were blessed with Kate. Kate was again a black lab and just the perfect dog for our kids. Lessons about life and loss were learned by all four of us from dear Kate. We had Kate for many years. I’ll never forget the time we were at a forest, walking round a large pond. Kate jumped in and sank… I looked at my husband, frankly stunned that he was not shedding clothing to jump in and rescue her. Once she surface, he as was his great style, calmly walked toward an area where she could walk out of the water herself. Another disaster diverted. We tragically lost Kate to a hit and run driver. While my heart broke at the loss, it broke more because my son witnessed the accident and I believe somehow blames himself. As I have learned so vividly, you should never tell someone what to feel or not feel. I do know that the events around this accident were not in our control. I hope in his life my wonderful, loving son learns to let go of what he cannot control. Maybe good advice for me as well. You’ve heard the stories of my Max, who was with us for 11 years. I never wanted a male dog and Max was all boy. He proved all my misconceptions about male dogs to be wrong. That big boy knew many of my secrets and he loved me regardless. He loved me when I was happy, sad, sick, ugly and at absolutely every second of our time together. The feelings were mutual.
As these dogs have given me unconditional love for my lifetime, I pray that I have given them what they need to be happy to have been with me. My new pup, Bauer is still trying to figure me out. While I would love to have her at the place where anything and everything I ask of her is accepted immediately, I love this time of learning we are currently working through. We ventured out to a local park yesterday. Bauer discovered bridges and fast moving streams. She had her first squirrel encounter. Both of us came dangerously close to spending quality time in the river as Bauer attempted to swim with the ducks. Thankfully I caught us at the last possible second. I trust that as we move through our time together she understands my love for her. She will most likely be a very different relationship than I have ever had with a dog. This is the first dog I have raised solely on my own. This is the first dog I will raise with such a different understanding of the fragility of life. What is causing a lump in my throat is that Bauer never knew my husband but every day when she does something funny or wonderful I have to stop myself from reaching for the phone to tell him all about it. I know this will pass. I hope I learn to be a bit more unconditional in my love for not only those in my life but for myself.
I hope so...
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