In a movie, reactions are based on many factors. As you take in the look of the actors, view scenery and hear dialogue, a feeling should begin to take shape. But with all of this, you will still need music to stir the final piece of your emotions. At least that’s how I feel. I know my reaction as the music from Gone with the Wind swells up… The theme from Top Gun begins to beat and the dada, dada, dada… from Jaws, still to this day makes me do a quick check of my surroundings, even when safely on dry land. Over the years, I often thought I would be great at choosing music for movies. Being a romantic I’m sure I could pick out just the right string piece to pull an extra tear or two from the viewers. As lovers reach the crescendo of passion the right music changes the perception from just sex to beautiful love making. Ok the camera angle would surely have something to do with that as well. But my life has always had a soundtrack. The artists have changed over the years as has the genre. I believe we all have songs that elicit immediate thoughts and memories, both good and bad. Music can for my generation make you immediately think of a product. If you heard Andy Williams sing the line... “Do you remember, the times of your life…” you would, I’m sure think of Kodak. Music signaled the time of day for many of us as kids. The long sustained whistle and then big top music meant the start of Bozo’s Circus in my early years. Even earlier, the ring of the bell and the soft music announced Romper Room was on. My mom had me taking naps for a long time. As a kid I hated it. Now I wish she could pull rank and make me take a nap every day. My nap time was in the afternoon, just about the time her soap operas were starting. I once overheard her tell a friend that she was so glad I had taken a great nap that day… I had slept until Days of our Lives had started. Well that was all I needed. Every day after that… I lay quietly in my bed until I hear… “Like sand through the hourglass…So are the days of our lives…music swells. Queue youngest child to “wake up” from her nap.
I buried myself in music. We didn’t have a stereo so many nights I sat in the car listening to one of 3 or 4 8-track tapes over and over again. At one point I did have a record player in my room. I would play the Partridge Family albums over and over. Thank goodness for headphones. I was a master lip sinc-er. Music kept me shielded from situations that were going on in my family. When I was lost in that world I was safe and normal. Once in high school I was flying to meet a boyfriend and his family for spring break. Yes, yes, I know very hip of my parents to let me go. I suspect I did some amount of manipulation to get them to say yes. Anyway, I was scared to be flying alone. As my dad walked me to the jet way door he reminded me to put the headphones on and listen to music, I would be fine. So I took my seat. A non-English speaking man sat next to me. I put the headphones on, buckled my seatbelt and settled in. I can do this… If I’m grown up enough to meet a boyfriend for a week at the beach… I can do this. I chose my music and ok, this was good…I’m relaxing, good song, peaceful, tension in the shoulders and neck going away…. Who’s shaking me? I popped my eyes open to see a Stewardess (that’s what they were called then) smiling about an inch from my face. I slid the headphones off… “Are you alright she asked”. I think I said “yes”, “Well than” she said in a sugary sweet voice, “please stop singing out loud, it’s disturbing the other passengers”. If I could have, I would have spent the rest of the flight hidden in the lavatory.
My grown up life had a soundtrack. Mostly smooth jazz and easy listening. I would guess a mix of country should be added for the time not so jazzy or easy. Cymbals crashed when I woke up to find my husband struggling too breathe… If I was choosing the music for the next hour as paramedics, firemen and police tried to work miracles it would be the William Tell Overture...Racing, running, reaching … At the hospital as I waited for news… the theme from Love Story, slow and haunting… In the ER after they again revived him 45 minutes later and I was allowed to see him, hold him… I sang a song very quietly in his ear. A silly little song he had made up when we were dating. It was to the tune of You are my Sunshine… he sang it to me over and over during our lives together. For the next 16 hours or so our soundtrack was a mix of all the songs we had laughed to, danced to, cried to and loved to. They were a continuous loop in my head. I left the hospital at one point late in the evening. I knew tough decisions had to be made and I needed to ask God to lead me to make the correct ones. I needed to be alone. As I got back in the car to head back to the hospital, with clean clothes on, a bit of restored energy and most importantly a clear path, I turned on the radio. Playing was an old Kenny Rogers song from 1980. We always thought of it as our song. The song is called Love the World Away. Take my hand, let’s walk through loves door and be free from the world once more. Here’s my heart, we can find today and love the world away. I wanted to take his hand and continue to love the world away… but now it’s time to let him be free. Free, but with the knowledge that love was letting him walk through the door he was fast approaching.
I listen to more music now that I have at anytime time in my life. I’m searching for new songs with new meaning. My soundtrack will include songs that make me smile, make me remember, make me cry and make me stronger. So lately, I've been wondering, Who will be there to take my place, When I'm gone, you'll need love, To light the shadows on your face, If a greater wave should fall, It would fall upon us all And between the sand and stone, Could you make it on your own? If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go, Way up high or down low, I'll go wherever you will go, And maybe, I'll find out The way to make it back someday, To watch you, to guide you, Through the darkest of your days.
This is called So Lately by the Calling. It’s the first of many in my new soundtrack. I think it says so many of the things I believe to be in the heart of my dear man.
I hope so…
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