Sunday - 8/30/2009 Pride

I spent the weekend visiting with my 2 sisters and their families. My sisters are older than me, not much but enough to make a difference. They work together and have both been married for 30 plus years. But I’m not thinking so much about them tonight. I am thinking about their husbands.

My oldest sister married her high school sweetheart. They worked hard to get through college and have in my eyes, done all they could do to allow each other to achieve their dreams. They have 3 sons. It’s important to note that there is a 17 year gap between their first son and their second. I’ve spoken of their oldest son before in my blog. He is a 4th year resident and such an amazing young man. This young man and his fabulous bride have made my sister and her husband new grandparents. They now have a grandson to increase the joy factor in their already joyful lives. I don’t know my brother-in-law well. I don’t know what he is passionate about other than his family. I know what most people do I guess, but I couldn’t really say much more. I love this man first and foremost because he loves my sister completely. He has helped her become the woman she is today. He has fathered three of my favorite boys in the whole world. But this weekend I noticed a subtle change in him. He seemed, different. I will say that many men I know act differently around me lately. They seem to not know just what to say or if they should say anything. But this was not based on me. It was all him. He had calmness about him. Not the calm of someone reaching later years in life, resigned to the fate that lay ahead. No, this was the calm of contentment and pride. I was honored to attend my 10 year old nephew’s football game on Saturday. My brother-in-law stood on the sidelines mesmerized by every play. I watched the movement of his body as he played every play as if he was alongside his son. I so clearly remember admiring this dance of father and son when my late husband watched our son play hockey. I hope it is a dance that plays out for every father and son, but I know in my heart it is not. To watch the boy or boys you help bring in to the world find outlets for their energies and passions that will last a lifetime, is heady stuff. The commonality of sports brings that to fruition for many fathers I suspect. As the game ended and our team was victorious, my brother-in-law walked back to where we were sitting. His face beaming, his chest puffed just a bit and a swagger had taken over his normal stride. He was proud. Not just proud of his youngest boy but proud of his family. I believe most of all, and rightly so, he was proud of himself. Never having been a man, I can’t say firsthand what the thoughts and fears of a family man might be. I can only imagine they are what we all would think. But for this weekend, all was right and good within this man’s family. While I pray it last forever, I pray that if it doesn’t he is able to keep this feeling close to his heart and use it when he has doubts and fears about himself and the world he lives in.

But another man’s pride caught my attention this weekend as well. My other sister, the “Jan” in our “Marcia, Jan and Cindy” alignment, has a husband who I have been friends with for many years. He began his relationship with my family as a friend of my father’s. He only slightly older than my sister and I but always fit wonderfully in to our family. When they began dating, my sister worked 2 jobs and was usually working in the evenings. My brother-in-law and I palled around and became friends. The man is very different. He is very passionate about the things he chooses to be passionate about. He loves my sister and their daughter deeply. I know much about this man but there is still much to learn. I love this man, not only for the way he loves my sister, but for the way he loves his daughter. I especially love him for the way he loves me. He is plan and simply... another big brother to me. I had heard my sister say something about an art show that my brother in law was participating in. I’ll be honest; I didn’t pay too much attention to what she was talking about. On Saturday I was at their home and as I walked in I saw it… one of his photographs. It was of a flower from a garden. It was exquisite. It took my breath away. I continued through the house to see some of the most beautiful pictures I have ever seen. As I tried to find the words to express my delight in these photos, my brother in law began to show me more and more. I was holding the beauty of the spring and summer in by hands. I have to apologize; I began to doubt that this was really the work of this quiet unassuming man. When he began to explain shots and angles, lighting and the intricacies of each photo, I knew they were his, his passion. He so proudly handed me photo after photo and I felt my eyes fill with tears. I was honored that he was sharing his gift with me. My sister was with us and when he handed me an amazing close up of a Hibiscus flower, slightly off center, I think I let out an almost silent gasp. They were so kind and generous in presenting the photo to me as a gift. My brother in law was glowing with pride. Shortly after, their daughter arrived for dinner and a visit. This sister and her husband will be entering the grandparent experience later this year. As father hugged daughter, pride burst through. Although he tried to hide it, he was grinning from ear to ear. He also kept watch as everyone felt the need to pat the baby bump. I know how this man has always worried about his girls, my sister and their daughter. But he is a good man, a great dad and wonderful husband. He will be a fabulous grandfather. I hope he will be proud of all he has accomplished. I know I am proud of him.

These two men have given me more than they will ever know. They have given me my sisters. What I mean is that from the moment I knew my situation with my husband, these husbands have stepped back. No, actually they have stepped up. They have picked up the slack, changed their schedules and done all they could to give my sisters the freedom to be whatever I have needed them to be. They have stepped aside to let me take precedence in their wives, lives. They have welcomed me into their homes. They have allowed me to interrupt their family time when I needed my sisters. They have been left alone when I could not be alone. I will never know how nor be able to thank them. But this I know to be true, I will be there for their wives should they ever need me as I have needed them.

I love these men. I am proud of these men. They are what men should be. I know their children and grandchildren will be proud as well.

I hope so…