Monday - 9/28/2009 Lessons

I’ve learned a thing or two in life:

· Always wear clean underwear.
· Drink your orange juice before you brush your teeth.
· Always be sure those you love know it and feel it.
· The largest zit you have ever had will begin forming approximately 5 days before your high school reunion.
· Mosquitoes only make noise in the dark when you are trying to sleep and you can’t see them to catch them.
· The hot and adorable bag boy at the grocery store will always put the canned good on top of your bread if you distract him by attempting to flirt.
· If a large tomato is going bad, don’t put the whole thing in the disposal and turn it on unless you feel like washing the ceiling above.
· Pray often and mean it.
· Most fast food drive thru windows now have a recording asking if you would like to try their latest and greatest item… this is a recording, do not place your order with the recording… be patient a real person will take your order in a moment.
· If you are down to one good bra, the underwire will break as you drive to work causing not only that annoying stabbing feeling, but distinct sag on one side.
· Just when you think you can survive with ½ a roll of toilet paper until you grocery shop later in the week, unexpected guests will arrive, one with a “funny feeling” in their tummy.
· Never, ever drink a glass of milk that someone hands you and says “does this taste funny to you”?
· When life gives you lemons… get in the car, pick up some limes, tequila and triple sec and make Margarita’s
· Talk to those you love about what they want to have happen in the event that they cannot make those decisions known themselves.
· Almost every situation in life has a solution that is based on an episode of Seinfeld.
· Chocolate is one of the main ingredients in my recipe for a happy life.
· The day you choose to run to the store without taking a shower or brushing your teeth is the day you will run into either your old boyfriend or your husband’s former fiancée.
· Read the Bible and ask questions about what you are not clear on
· Enjoy the glass of wine you enjoy, not the one someone says you should enjoy.
· Be generous with your time, your heart, your money, your love and your humor.
· Nothing beats great sheets.
· Since marshmallows have no place in the food pyramid, they don’t count and can be eaten often
· If you are driving and you have to sneeze, don’t step on the gas or the brake.
· Dogs have families, cats have a staff.
· Learn to drive a stick shift
· How do you know if yogurt is bad?
· Every once in awhile, stop at the park and swing on the swings.
· I never met a woman who didn’t feel jealous when flowers were delivered to someone else in the office.
· Puppy kisses rule.
· At what point should someone be told that their toupee looks like a toupee?
· Hummingbirds have an amazing calming effect on people.
· Fresh coffee, a wood burning fire and fresh cut grass are among the greatest aromas in the world.
· Never eat anything you can’t pronounce.
· Smoking sucks.
· The greatest cup of coffee? Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, The Golden Tulip Hotel in Aruba and my house (no particular order).
· Funerals are for the living. Do what you want to do in order to honor your loved one. They really only have a say on if they are buried or cremated.
· I think I’d rather have a cut with 3 or 4 stitches than a bad paper cut.
· Be kind to everyone. You never know who you made need to lean on in the future.
· Contrary to what your Mom said, crying does help.
· Always remember you have skills. You can talk, you can love and you can laugh. You can do anything.
· Write the names of those in photos on the back of the photo. You’d be surprised who you forget.
· Apples are best eaten in the fall, oranges in the winter.
· Keep cards, birthday, get well, sympathy, congratulations and blank ones in your desk. Something happens every day and it makes a huge difference to acknowledge the event immediately.
· Share and play nice with the other kids.