Everyone needs a vacation. I’ve often wished I lived in Europe where they get 5 weeks of vacation each year. Vacations are designed to recharge your engines, relax your brain…get you back to square one.
Vacations when I was a kid were nothing like the vacation now. 90% of trips were done by car. We didn’t have DVD players built into the seats. No Game Boys or other hand held devises to amuse or occupy the kids. We had books and crayons. In the better years we had these little cardboard games to play. One was a square of cardboard with little red cellophane windows with the names of all the states inside. When you saw a license plate from one of the 50 states, you closed the corresponding window. When you closed all the windows… you won. In the 1960-70 it was pretty tough to see a Hawaii or Alaska plate going from Illinois to Wisconsin. Nothing could be as fun and stimulating as a rousing game of ABC. Remember using billboards... you had to find a word on a billboard that began with the letter you were looking for… Q could usually only be found on a gas station sign for Quaker State Oil. Rules were modified sometimes, depending on the desolation of the area you were driving through. But we were amused and we came out relatively unscathed after the journey. It would be unfair not to mention that no one… unless you had 10 + kids had a van or mini van. So in my family, we had Mom and Dad in the front, sometimes with a dog on the floor at my mom’s feet and 4 yes 4 kids in the back seat. The hot, vinyl back seat. It was brutal. The stories about my oldest sister and her insatiable need for her own space will have to wait for another blog. We actually once made a trip from Illinois to Wyoming in 2 days in a Road Runner. If I remember correctly it was a 2 door with no air conditioning, no back windows. Frankly, we never thought to complain or not be grateful that we were even able take a vacation. We always made the best of the trips we took as kids. I just remember the pure joy I felt just having all of us together, no fire calls for my dad to run off to and no everyday issues to deal with.
My late husband and I took our kids on a number of trips. We once did an Alaskan Cruise. My daughter had just returned from 6 weeks in France and my son was in between hockey camps and cool hockey trips. Neither of them wanted to go but it was one of our only family trips that did not include some sports tournament. Almost as soon as we got on the ship, they started whining about the cruise being a “grandma” cruise. Ok, they were sort of right. The ratio of geriatrics to non was about 2:1. We vowed to make this a great trip and tried to give the kids a wide berth. Our first stop had us in Juno. The kids wanted to go up to the rain forest on the tram and being the fabulous parents we were… we went for it. At the top, the scenery was breathtaking. The kids seemed to relax and really take in the beauty all around them. Both kids asked if we could walk the trails down rather than take the tram. Being the fabulous parents we were… we told them to lead the way… being a fabulous parent doesn’t always mean you are the smartest parent. Hindsight being what it is, we should have confirmed that there was actually even a trail to follow down and out of the rain forest. They say the mind blocks out memories that are too hard to disseminate… I don’t recall every detail of the trip down the side of the mountain, but this I clearly know. The kids were almost running down the slippery, moss covered ground clearing a small path for my husband and me. I remember my husband saying not to hold on to each other, just in case someone falls, they don’t take the other person down with them. A split second after I heard him say that behind me, I felt the full weight of his body slam into me as he slipped and fell. I’ve never actually seen anyone tumble like he did, well no one that wasn’t a cartoon character. Shortly after he recovered, as we were continuing to make our way down the side of the mountain, we came upon a group of folks working on some nature project. They stopped their work to chat with us. Their first question was of course to be sure my husband was alright, and then they asked why we were there. We must have said something about walking the trail down… between their laughter; they mentioned that the trail wasn’t open or in fact even built. I just remember my husband looking up the mountain and deciding we were better off continuing our downward trek. Moments later he took an even bigger, longer, harder and faster tumble. After 2 hours we emerged in a neighborhood far north of the town of Juno. We could see the smoke stacks of the ship off in the distance. My husband was covered, head to toe in mud, pine branches and needles poking in and out of spots they were never intended to be. As we walked through the town tourists and townsfolk alike were jumping to get out of the way of the 6 foot 4 inch man in the U of M hoodie, covered in mud and rain forest parts. The next day we took an amazing kayak trip… Bald eagles, salmon, wildlife, snow, mountains and breathtaking views made this an amazing experience. Our 2 kids were in a kayak together and disturbed the Alaskan beauty by fighting about absolutely everything for the entire kayak trip. It was miserable. The misery continued as my husband got stuck in the kayak and almost had to be cut out of it. We survived the trip and made it home in one piece, kids moaning and groaning the whole way. Years later, we were all having dinner, my husband and I, our kids and their significant others. Somehow we ended up talking about the cruise. You could have pushed my late husband and me over with a feather. Our kids were telling their guests about the “great” “fabulous” “trip of a lifetime” we took to Alaska. How amazing it was that we took them kayaking! Who were these kids? What trip did they take? Please, bring my children back!
So why the change? Is it because they now appreciate things like trips more or understand the value of the time? If their comments had been made since their dad died, I would think that to be the case, the change of heart or realization was months before he passed. But how great is it that they could express to him and me their appreciation for what we did in an effort to make them happy. Ironically I have done the same to my parents. I have fond memories of our trip no matter how illogical that may be. Maybe it is what I think, that it just the appreciation for the undivided attention of your family. My kids will never again have that dynamic and that makes me sad. I am so proud that my late husband gave so much of his time and talents to our children and to me. To repay him, I will work closely with my children to discover ways we can give back in his honor. To the dad’s out there, it’s not the size of your wallet that will be the things your children cling to should you need to leave them. It is the size of your heart. The ability to laugh at yourself, learn from your mistakes, the ability to forgive and most of all your capacity to give and accept love that will make your children what you have always wished them to be.
I hope so…
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